Throughout my childhood, I never thought much about “finding my voice.” Writing was just something I did in the long hours of English class — an extension of my educational thoughts spilling onto paper. Doing mostly analytical CERs and thesis statements, the idea of writing something opinionated behind a theme in a book was weird to me.
But as I got older, I realized that the way to find your voice isn’t as simple as letting your ideas flow freely. Especially as a woman, there’s this unspoken but palpable pressure to balance being bold and authentic while remaining palatable to others.
I remember being elected as Senior Patrol Leader in my Scout Troop. Even though I was just as qualified (if not more qualified) than the boy SPLs, they never listened to a word I said. Thankfully, I didn’t have to interact with them much, but the fact that they wouldn’t listen to me just because I was a girl stuck with me. Not because it seemed foreign — I see misogyny everywhere in the world — but because it reinforced a fear I’d already internalized.
A woman’s words—especially if they’re passionate or emotional—are too much for people to handle.
A 2021 study published in Communication Research found that women are more likely than men to have their tone described as “aggressive” or “emotional” in professional and creative contexts, even when conveying the same content. It’s an exhausting double bind. Be assertive, but not too assertive. Be honest, but make sure you’re likable. This feels like (and was definitely inspired by) America Ferrera’s speech in the “Barbie“ movie.
I wish I could say my Scout experience was a one-off, but similar experiences have followed me throughout my life. A few months ago, I was in a Harkness discussion in English class. One of the goals as a class was to have no self-deprecating comments like “this might be wrong but…” or “this sounds stupid anyway, ” and at the end of the Harkness, the observers told us we only had 5 self-deprecating comments said. I later asked one of my friends and found out I was 4 out of 5 of those comments. I literally only spoke twice.
This made me realize that even with a class of people I know well in a low-pressure situation, I still have the impulse to mask any idea I voice with a “this sounds stupid anyway” or “this probably doesn’t even make sense.”
This constant habit of undermining my contributions not only holds me back from participating, but also reinforces a cycle where I question the legitimacy of my own opinions, making it even harder to embrace my authentic voice as a woman.
However, as I use this column to talk about my original ideas without trying to belittle them, I feel like I am starting to develop a genuine voice. Writing lets you sculpt your thoughts more quickly, free from the interruptions and uncertainty that often comes with conversations.
There are still days when I wonder if my voice is “too much” or “not enough.” But I’ve learned to lean into the discomfort. Because here’s the thing: finding your voice isn’t about getting it right all of the time. It’s about allowing yourself the freedom to explore, to make mistakes, and to grow. Just don’t let that uncertainty silence you. Finding your voice as a writer is hard. Finding it as a woman is even harder. But it’s important to know that your voice is just as loud and just as important as anyone else.
