Op-ed: What the heck is an ‘alpha female?’

Pictured+here+is+the+cover+of+%22The+Alpha+Female%27s+Guide+to+Men+and+Marriage%3A+How+Love+Works%2C%22+a+book+by+Suzanne+Venker%2C+that+discusses+how+women+that+are+groomed+to+be+strong+leaders+will+never+find+love.+Image+source%3A+suzannevenker.com
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Op-ed: What the heck is an ‘alpha female?’

Pictured here is the cover of

Pictured here is the cover of "The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works," a book by Suzanne Venker, that discusses how women that are groomed to be strong leaders will never find love. Image source: suzannevenker.com

Pictured here is the cover of "The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works," a book by Suzanne Venker, that discusses how women that are groomed to be strong leaders will never find love. Image source: suzannevenker.com

Pictured here is the cover of "The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works," a book by Suzanne Venker, that discusses how women that are groomed to be strong leaders will never find love. Image source: suzannevenker.com

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I woke up on Saturday morning, checked my phone, scrolled through Instagram, opened some Snapchats, the usual. The unusual part of the morning was when I saw a column by Suzanne Venker, adapted from her book “The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works,” which outlines how “society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love.”

At first, I thought it must be a joke. I decided to read more in case it was a satire article or I was missing something. But of course, it was not, because it is 2017, and nothing goes the way you want it to.

I never thought I would be in 2017 and have the usually credible Fox News telling me that “women having been groomed to be leaders rather than to be wives” makes us “too much like men.”

But that is precisely what happened.

Venker defines an alpha woman as a woman who “micromanages, delegates and makes most or even all of the decisions.” She states they have become more “abound” in our society. She also explains how being one will ruin your chances at finding love, which Venker claims “requires a masculine and a feminine energy to thrive.”

Have we traveled back to the 1950s? Since when does being groomed to be a leader make me “too much like men?”

Venker says that modern women are becoming “too competitive. Too masculine. Too alpha.”

Leadership stopped being a masculine-associated quality a long time ago, and any trip to The Archer School for Girls could prove that to you. The exclusivity and limiting qualities of this column set women back so far into the past. Articles like this, especially ones written by women, help to enforce stereotypes that we have been trying so hard to escape from for centuries.

As a decision maker, feminist and occasional micromanager, this angers me. Ever since I was in elementary school, sporting my “Yeah, I play like a girl” shirt to match my “Girl Power” pencil case, I have always been a loud and proud female leader. To me, eventually being a wife and being a leader are not mutually exclusive.

Back then, I would have beamed if someone ever told me I was “quite simply, the Boss” — how Venker negatively describes an alpha woman. I never questioned whether or not I could be a good wife just because I was a leader, and I still do not question these abilities. It is with the utmost pride and joy that I contradict Venker’s idea of femininity, which states that “being feminine means being nice. It means being soft instead of hard.”

Feminism, to me, is the idea that women are equal to men, or have the ability to be equal to men if they choose to do so. If a woman wants to be a “beta” instead of an alpha, then she should be able to, but the negative connotation that comes with being an “alpha” is what needs to change.

This article assumes that all love is heterosexual, highly sought after and impossible to find for powerful women. Newsflash, it is 2017, and there are many women in the world whose lives are not dedicated to finding a husband or even finding love.

Venker limits women and implies that there is only one idea of femininity.  Feminism is supposed to give women a choice — the choice to conform to stereotypes or the choice to fight against them. The decision each woman makes is none of my business, and frankly, none of Venker’s either.

So Ms. Venker, I would like to introduce myself and my peers, as a group of motivated, decision-making, proud alpha-female leaders, who are capable of doing anything we choose to do, including finding love.

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