Ever since I was younger, I was called a “tomboy.” I was always told that I needed to dress and act more like a girl. I never thought much of this since I knew inside of myself that it didn’t make me any less of a girl because I wanted to fish instead of shopping for new clothes. I knew from a young age that because I identified as a girl, I was a girl. I didn’t need to wear a dress or a skirt to prove it, my saying so was enough of a reason. 

I grew up with a very stereotypically feminine younger sister and cousin who always played with dolls and got fancy manicures. My parents wondered why I was building a house out of sticks and mud in the backyard and not dressing up to wait around for a Prince Charming to come when I was seven. I mean don’t get me wrong, pretending to be someone you aren’t and waiting around for someone to save you does have its perks. But it wasn’t my first choice. 

I wanted to slay a dragon like Prince Phillip did in “Maleficent.” I wanted to climb a castle like Flynn Rider in “Tangled.” I wanted to fight with a sword like the Prince did in “Snow White.” I wanted to do all the things my family members, friends and teachers would consider things a boy would do. I wanted to learn how to skateboard. I wanted to play on a basketball team with the boys because I thought they knew how to play better than the girls (I was later proven wrong by the girl’s team when they beat us by 11 points). I would opt for large shorts and shirts because I looked for comfort rather than beauty in what I wore. I would buy “boy toys” because they were more fun for me to take apart. I basically lived in the men’s section in Target. All of these things made people around me wonder if I identified as a boy, but I didn’t, I was still a girl.

Growing up with people constantly questioning the way I dress and present myself made it really difficult to be myself. I questioned myself for years because I guess I wasn’t anyone’s definition of a “normal girl.” But what is a normal girl? Who even gets to decide what that means? Was it the Disney movies I watched that told me I wasn’t a normal girl? Or was it the people around me that made me realize that I didn’t desire to express myself through the clothes they preserved were feminine? 

Growing up, I lacked a “princess” to look up to. I lacked someone who saw femininity the way I did. That is, until I watched Disney’s “Mulan.” I watched this young girl, against all odds, save a nation with a horse, a mini dragon named Mushu, a lucky cricket and a sword. I watched Mulan go against every person in her life from her parents to the Emperor of China in order to do what she believed was right. Watching this movie had a monumental impact on me as a young girl. It reminded me that my gender identity belongs to me and that I had the power to dictate what that meant and looked like. I am different and that’s okay.   

Being a girl that dresses more masculine in a society that is so accustomed to females dressing in a feminine manner was and still is really challenging for me. I constantly have to remind myself that just because I don’t always see women like me in the media or because I don’t fit into the standard definition of how society preserves women, it’s okay to be the only one that understands me. I am who I am and the way I choose to express myself will never make me any less of a girl.