Column: I am enough and that is enough

This+is+an+action+shot+of+me+at+a+softball+game+up+to+bat+against+Marymount%E2%80%99s+softball+team.+A+picture+that+represents+me+in+a+state+of+confidence+and+appreciation+for+the+sport+I+play.

Photo credit: Jevone Moore

This is an action shot of me at a softball game up to bat against Marymount’s softball team. A picture that represents me in a state of confidence and appreciation for the sport I play.

By Marissa Gendy, Columnist

My mind is my worst enemy. It is a weird dynamic, my greatest asset also being my greatest enemy. It produces these lyrical pieces of writing filled with a profound sense of identity but also has a habit of endangering my false sense of happiness built on an internalized hatred for the parts of myself deemed as incomprehensible. 

 I have struggled to embody the words “I am enough” for a long time. I thought they had to come from another in order to truly mean something. I thought saying the words out loud meant that I could actually believe myself when I said them, truly embracing their meaning. I thought the words “I am enough” simply meant the words “I am enough.” But that’s not the case. 

The words “I am enough” are a commitment. A commitment to appreciate your body when it’s at its worst. To remember it is the vessel that keeps you alive. A commitment to recognizing sadness as a sign of strength, and happiness as a sign of growth. It’s something you feel and accept. It is a constant reminder to embrace the instability of life with a sense of worthiness. 

There are parts of my identity that have never made sense to me. They don’t fit into labels and, quite frankly, are too hard to talk about with others. The hardest part about them is not only that they are confusing but also needing to find the space to be proud of them, to accept them.

At the end of the day, we can’t ask others to accept us, all of us, if we can’t accept ourselves. We are a compilation of beauty, scars and memories that deserve recognition, and acceptance which begins with self-love. Self-love begins with acknowledgment of the progress we’ve made rather than the constant desire for unattainable perfection. When we fall short of this “perfection”, we begin a process of self hatred but when we work towards goals and create a standard of risk taking, that in itself is the attainable perfection. 

We immediately expect others to welcome and accept us for who we are, when we are suffering in the silence of unworthiness. We tell ourselves that because we don’t look like them, feel like them, believe like them, we aren’t worthy like them. But who gets to decide what is worthy?

The same person we compare ourselves to is comparing themselves to another person. We each go about life differently and by comparing our journey, we lose the value in our journey. The value in difference, in personal development and in our identity. Comparison feeds on hate, not for others but for ourselves. It is impossible to hate our way into loving ourselves.

If we remind ourselves that no matter where we stand, no matter how far we are from fully understanding our identity, where we are is enough. Who we are is enough. That is enough. It seems simple, right?