What’s the cost of being raised with parents who constantly respond to questions with “because I said so”? The price may be costlier than you think.
Authoritarian parenting — characterized by strict, unrealistic rules and high expectations — is one of the most controversial parenting styles out of the four. This parenting style is most recognized for its profound impact on children’s emotional and social development, which often negatively affects children’s self-esteem, independence and mental health.
Authoritarian parenting is unique from the other parenting styles. Authoritative parenting, a less extreme approach, sets clear rules but explains their importance. It also nurtures a close relationship between parent and child through lots of communication. Permissive parenting, on the relaxed side, sets little to no expectations and rules for children. Uninvolved parenting is characterized by minimal involvement and little to no investment in children’s emotional and social lives.
When parents enforce strict rules with the expectation of zero discussion or questioning from their children, a one-way form of communication begins between parent and child, where the authority figure sets very high standards and expects obedience with no exceptions.
These impractical rules often include an unrealistic curfew, expectations of straight A’s and a specific dress code expected to be followed in and out of the house. Another harmful tactic is unhealthy controlling of the child’s diet. Parents tend to strictly outline “healthy” and “unhealthy” foods from a young age, which unsurprisingly often fosters a bad relationship with food for the child, as well as unhealthy habits when they go off to college and become more independent.
These effects will follow children into adulthood and could have stronger repercussions than the consequences of more laid-back parenting styles. It causes codependency that can be detrimental to kids’ mental health and social life; without being encouraged to think for themselves or make their own mistakes, children lack decision-making skills.
The reason authoritarian parenting often fails is due to a lack of communication. When parent and child cannot understand each other, the child may assume bad intentions and an absence of love on the parent’s side, this leads to a rebellion against the authority figure and their lessons.
As someone with parents who have dramatically shifted their parenting style over time from slightly authoritarian parenting to more on the authoritative side, I notice both pros and cons. My parents’ previously strict rules taught me to stay on top of my school work and grades; however, once I got to middle and high school, they relaxed their approach to my academics, and I had trouble finding motivation on my own due to lack of their expectations being reinforced every time I got a grade back. This was due to the codependence I felt for my parents to tell me what grades to want and get.
A study done by the National Library of Medicine showed that 12.50% of parents reported raising their kids with authoritarian values. Because there is such a substantial percent of children being raised in authoritarian households, it is essential to call out the effects of raising your children in an unhealthy environment in order to prevent long-term psychological effects, like poor communication and trust issues along with many mental health issues.
It would be inaccurate and unfair to rule out the possible benefits children raised in an authoritarian household could experience. Children often exhibit good behavior and can closely follow specific instructions as well as set high standards for their futures, because of the harsh punishment they may face for making mistakes. These positives, however, are often short-lived and outweighed by the numerous detrimental setbacks and psychological harms authoritarian parenting causes.
An exemplary parenting style, although none of them are perfect, is authoritative parenting, which cultivates a close child-parent relationship and confidence as well as responsibility. Unlike authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting explains why the motives behind their rules are important, creating a healthy and open learning and growing space for the child.
Instead of using authoritarian tactics to raise children, parents should consider raising them in a healthy, nurturing environment with the help of authoritative parenting.
