Last month, author Lindsey Lee Johnson released her debut novel called “The Most Dangerous Place on Earth.” You might be convinced that Johnson is talking about Iraq, or maybe Venezuela, the newly announced murder capital of the world. 

However, you’re forgetting one extremely obvious place. High school. Yes, high school. It can be pretty scary sometimes. Although the novel is a fictitious story and tackles serious topics, I wanted to share some of the other reasons why high school can be extremely dangerous, particularly at Archer.

If there is good food…

BEWARE. Other students will trample you for a gourmet doughnut. I’ve witnessed and experienced this first-hand. Upper School Coordinator Kim Smith noted that faculty and staff also suffer overzealous peers when it comes to getting their hands on delectable treats.

“It’s a phenomenon, really. I’ve never seen anything like it. The moment I press ‘send’ to alert faculty there’s food in the lounge, the earth tremors in anticipation of the thundering herd of teachers as they make their way to the food,” she wrote in an email.

Smith continued, “I believe that Archer teachers have extraordinarily high metabolisms from the effort that goes into creating a joyful learning environment.”

If you say something memorable…

You might end up on the Instagram account Overheard Archer, which is based off of the popular social media handle, Overheard LA. The Archer version is essentially a much less exciting version of Gossip Girl, but it’s still fun to look at nonetheless. 

If there is a boy on campus…

Beware, again. We’re an all-girls school, so things can get a little crazy when members of the opposite sex appear on campus. When St. Andrews’ a cappella group, The Other Guys, came to Archer last year, high-pitched shrieks could be heard across the courtyard. Also, as noted by Overheard Archer, Fresh Lunches’ popularity seemed to dwindle when the 20-something year-old guy no longer served food anymore.

If you decide to wear an “illegal” sweatshirt…

Ha! Good luck with that. If you’re caught, your sweatshirt will be confiscated until Friday. I have to admit — I feel pretty paranoid when I violate the uniform. I wore a black puffy jacket when it was raining last week, and I was waiting all day for someone to yell at me. Thankfully, everyone else was equally frozen, so no one bothered me about it. 

Getting distracted by adorable dogs…

Students are often late to class because of Archer dogs. I noticed a new one on campus a few weeks ago that I had not seen before, and I quickly became distracted. It happens to me all the time!

If you cross the street…

You will get stuck in dangerous shopping territory. The newly opened store, Permanent Vacation sells fantastic beachwear and summer accessories. It’s very easy to lose track of time, so don’t be late to class!

Stress acne from too many tests…

I think this one is self-explanatory. I feel stressed out just reading about it.