Photo credit: Tiffany Niles-Queensborough

Soleil and Immanuel Queensborough walk side by side to the backfield of El Rincon Elementary School on their first day of school, Aug. 21, 2024. Siblings attending the same school will often have different experiences because of societal expectations and pressures placed on girls.

Even in 2025, our society is still largely shaped by male dominance. Biologically, the only differences between male and female children come from their sex chromosomes and reproductive systems. But the social distinctions begin the moment any child is born. A baby girl enters the world immediately wrapped in a pink blanket, later dressed in pink clothes and pink headbands placed over her bald head. A baby boy is just as quickly swaddled in blue, with tiny blue hats and outfits that mark him as a boy before he can even open his eyes.

Unfortunately, parents play a major role in reinforcing this dynamic from the very beginning. Growing up, mine encouraged me to cross my legs, eat slowly, cook and take care of my younger siblings. But what stayed with me the most was being taught not to be too loud. I learned to silence my voice and hold back my opinions, just in case they offended someone. It always surprised me because, while I suppressed my thoughts and emotions, boys in my class could scream in the middle of lessons, say disrespectful things and still act as if they were better somehow.

I kept to the corners, careful to stay in my lane, afraid I’d get in trouble or that the boys would yell at me if I tried to join their kickball game in the backfield. During lunch, all the girls would pull out their L.O.L. Dolls and gush about who had the newest doll — one that could pee or had real hair. Somehow, none of it really interested me. I started to think that the girls didn’t actually enjoy playing with dolls, but did so because they were worried about being judged for wanting to play kickball.

So one day, I put on my big girl clothes and marched over to the kickball field — ready to ask if I could play. The boys protested, arguing over which team I should join since none of them wanted a girl on their side. I wasn’t hurt; I was just grateful that they were even considering me. They finally put me on the team that seemed to be the weaker one. As I stepped forward and got ready to kick, I took a deep breath, determined to make it count. The only problem was that I had never played kickball before — so all three of my attempts completely missed the ball. The boys immediately forced me to leave and called me worthless. Afterward, I never played kickball at that school again.

Experiences like this weren’t limited to a single game of kickball — they reflected a pattern that exists everywhere. Like me, many girls are discouraged from playing sports from a young age and are steered towards activities that don’t require athletic ability. For gifts, they are given the newest American Girl Dolls, while boys receive toy cars and trucks. This doesn’t just shape what generations of girls enjoy, but also how they’re perceived by themselves and others.

This stigma, reinforced by society, is what helps to explain why, according to Zippia, 83.6% of pro athletes are men, while only 16.4% are women. This jarring statistic only highlights how early gender expectations and societal pressure shape what girls grow up to think is acceptable for them to pursue in the future.

The expectation that girls should focus on domestic endeavors stems far back in history. Lilian Eichler published the “Book of Etiquette,” in 1922. It lists an overwhelming number of rules for women to follow, even in business. The book says that even though women can participate in business, they have to act “in such a way that there can be no regrets.”

“[By] her manners and dress a woman determines her place,” Eichler wrote. “And the women who are careless of their appearance and careless of their standard are the ones who are hindering the progress of women toward the goal of perfect womanhood.”

This excerpt from the book belittles women because it states that a woman’s status depends on how she acts and dresses, implying that Eichler doesn’t believe women can succeed based on their intellect or skills alone. It illustrates a key problem in the way girls have been socialized. Instead, the system makes it seem like women are responsible for their limited progress rather than actually addressing the patriarchal structures that restrict them.

Today, echoes of these expectations remain. Parents and society continue to teach girls to prioritize compliance, appearance and acceptable pursuits like domestic life, marriage or child-rearing, while discouraging things tied to masculinity like risk-taking, competitiveness and athleticism. The result of this is a pattern from childhood into adulthood where girls excel in certain socially approved areas. Understanding this pattern shows that gender inequality is not just a matter of biology. It is taught, enforced and repeated, shaping the opportunities girls believe they can pursue and the limits society imposes on them.