“Don’t talk to strangers,” your parents call through the car door as you duck into the grocery store, alone.
Used to help kids protect themselves, this common phrase is instilled in children from a young age. Of course, it is well-intentioned and meant to keep us safe, and we often need to prioritize our safety. Especially for women or those in marginalized communities, everyday outings in public can be risky.
However, this sentiment also teaches us to close ourselves off in public because the public is inherently dangerous. Therefore, we miss out on countless opportunities to open our worldview and challenge misconceptions by conversing with those same strangers. Pushing ourselves to have conversations with new people every day brings us one step closer to a more united and understanding society.
Our editorial board got into a conversation about this after News Editor Phoebe Measer found herself in a middle seat on a plane between two strangers. Instead of shutting out her seat mates, she engaged in a conversation with the woman sitting next to her, learning about her job, lifestyle, beliefs and family. As two people from opposite sides of the country, North Carolina and California, they learned that division in our lives is a choice.
Living as teenagers in an increasingly polarized world, it can feel hard to engage with those who don’t necessarily share your viewpoints or values. It can be difficult to feel motivated to listen to others’ outlooks when generations above us often model extremely strong and inflexible viewpoints — especially concerning politics.
According to Hidden Tribes, 86% of Americans said they felt exhausted by division in politics. When our current political climate appears overwhelmingly divided, engaging in these conversations with people we have never met can often result in hope. Hope is rooted in humanity, and seeing that other people’s lives are just as intricate as ours will make the world feel a little less lonely.
Engaging in a discussion with a stranger is not the same as saying “hello” to someone as you pass by. It means actively listening — learning about people’s stories, lives, experiences and personalities. Having a genuine, real-time conversation with a stranger creates a moment of connection and sharing, often between two people who will never see each other again.
The value of connecting with unfamiliar people is often undermined, but, you may be willing to share more about your personal life with a new person compared to someone you know very well. In fact, one study found that people predicted strangers would be open to talking 40% of the time, while in reality, it was 87% of the time. Interacting with individuals you don’t know and will likely not see again can feel liberating and can encourage you and your conversation partner to reach a new level of depth.
Small habits, like conversing with strangers, make a huge difference in a person’s overall happiness. Stanford psychology professor Gregory Walton found that subtle social cues such as “the way a teacher frames feedback, the way a partner approaches conflict, or the way a community signals belonging — can shape a person’s identity and future.”
Talking to strangers also requires breaking through the normalization of exclusively digital connection. People are more likely to dehumanize someone for their opposing beliefs when reading their opinions compared to hearing them aloud. Hearing a person’s voice is proven to show their humanity, making in-person interactions essential.
By seeing the humanity of others, we also normalize empathy. Providing a space for strangers to share about their lives signals that we are dedicated to being compassionate rather than uninterested.
Engaging in meaningful conversations with strangers is not about being extroverted or outgoing. It’s about having the strength to truly listen to others and make a genuine effort to understand them.
Conversing with strangers is about leaving behind predetermined judgement towards others whom you may disagree with or those you simply do not know. Little by little, opening your mind to others creates an irreplaceable sense of peace in knowing that you are confident enough in your own beliefs to be able to entirely hear others out — oftentimes without trying to convince them that you are “right.”
This value is at the core of journalism. Our role in society is to uplift unheard voices, doing so by consistently engaging with people we have never met before. But journalists are not the only ones who should speak to strangers daily.
So next time you are in a middle seat on an airplane, paired with a random person on a ski lift or waiting in a checkout line, take a moment to recognize and get to know those around you — you are never able to predict which conversations will entirely transform your perspective.
